Realism in Erotica

The more I overthink things, the more I have doubts.

I’ve been pootling about on the internet a lot reading about sex. This is of course nothing new. What is new, however, is that this time it is for “research”, rather than purely for pleasure. I’ve had a story idea in my mind for the last couple of weeks that doesn’t lend itself to being immediately written. It needs thought, and factual checking, and to be honest I am not sure it’s ever going to get written.

I did a bit of research for Morning Glory, specifically related to the mechanics and sensations of the male orgasm, and at the time I could not help but “cum” across similar pieces about the female orgasm. I was reminded of the fact that, if the internet is to be believed, only around three quarters of women achieve orgasm through vaginal penetration alone. Guess what? I’m one of them. It is also estimated that 10 to 15% of women struggle to reach orgasm at all (thankfully, I’m not one of them!).

Yet it seems standard practice in a lot of erotica that the female protagonist achieves multiple orgasms merely by looking at her partner (yes, E.L. James and her highly orgasmic virgin springs to mind here). I’m probably as guilty as the next person here (although I deliberately avoided this when I wrote Construction – the eagle eyed among you may have noticed that Jo did not orgasm at all).

Then there’s the thorny subject of safe sex. Sometimes the fumble for a condom can make a good literary device, whereas a more fantasy setting might do away with the messy real-life business of contraception.

By doing this, am I just as guilty of perpetuating myths about sex as, for example some might accuse mainstream porn of? Is it obvious enough that fiction is fantasy and should be taken with a pinch of salt?

Finally, how well can I get away with practices I have not experienced myself? At the risk of mentioning “that book” again, E.L. James has come in for a lot of criticism for the nature of the BDSM relationship between Christian Grey and Ana Steele, especially from those who do live in a “true” Dom/Sub relationship. While she has admitted that it is a fantasy of hers, I don’t recall her admitting she had direct experience of a lot of the practices. I don’t have experience of a male/male relationship, for example, but I have an idea floating around in my head that might involve something like that. Does the fact I am unqualified mean I should not bother?

There are two ways of looking at things I suppose; rule number one of writing anything is supposedly “Stick to what you know”. All well and good, but if that were true there would be a lot less historical fiction, crime fiction and certainly no fantasy! A good writer should overcome these obstacles and be able to transport you into a fictional world that either a) seems realistic or b) makes you suspend disbelief enough to just go with the story.

I should probably stop thinking and just get on with writing though, shouldn’t I…?

Don’t put that in your mouth, you don’t know where it’s been!

A little while ago, I watched a documentary about a 17 year old thinking of “giving up” her virginity. Firstly, I have to say I was impressed with the maturity that both she and her parents approached the matter. I certainly made a few notes on how to deal with things for when my kids are old enough. Secondly, however, I have to admit that I did also find her matter-of-factness about the whole thing rather intimidating. I get the impression I spent more time fretting about whether to wear my green top or my pink top on a night out than I think she did on the whole “I’m going to go get myself laid” thing.

Anyway, I digress. We followed said teen at the end of her first “girls’ holiday” to somewhere warm and Balearic. Had she done the deed, asked the presenter? No, came the response, but she did give someone a blow job behind a nightclub – and get this; SHE WASN’T EVEN PARTICULARLY DRUNK.

I have to say I was astounded. To go from nought to blow-job in a week is certainly impressive, but it left me wondering why. Part of me understands the logic of “it’s not sex unless there’s penetration” thinking of it, yet I couldn’t help wondering what possessed an apparently reasonably intelligent young woman to suck on the first random cock that was conveniently near her mouth? There was certainly no mention of the favour having been returned at any point, for example.

Don’t get me wrong, I love sucking on a nice juicy cock as much as the next girl (maybe more, depending who she is), but I couldn’t help thinking that the order was somehow slightly wrong. You see, in my yoof, the general turn of events went something like – snogging, groping, heavy petting/fingering, penetration, and only then oral sex.

To me, there’s an added intimacy to oral sex that would mean I probably wouldn’t dream of partaking in a one-night stand, whether behind a night club or not. (I can’t be the only one thinking SWEATY, UNWASHED cock here either, can I?). Don’t even get me started on the subject of protection…at least you can demand a condom if getting properly down and dirty (and let’s face it, I don’t know anybody who has ever used a flavoured condom during a blow job).

A straw poll of…er…my hairdresser has confiremed to me that I’m not completely alone in this thinking.

Am I missing something, or just showing my age?

Is my journey to the dark side now complete?

I never intended to start a kinkyshoes blog.

Over a year since the tumblr and the twitter account, however, I’ve finally succumbed. Don’t ask me what changed, or why now – I’m not really sure myself. As with most of my decisions it was a pretty rash, spur-of-the-moment, badly thought out thing.

I guess there are always some things that need to be said in more than 140 characters, or that need more than a pretty picture. I’ve labelled it “Vanilla from the Ankles Up” – although I could just as well have labelled it Sex. Love. Killer Heels, as the sub-heading on my tumblr states – there’ll probably be some of all of those!

I’m not setting myself too many expectations – there might be some fiction, there might be some random wittering, but it’s likely to be pretty rambling and sporadic – I’m afraid that’s just how my mind works.