In Praise of the Humble Condom

A piece on the BBC News website┬átoday uses the opening of a new Thai restaurant called “Cabbages and Condoms” as a starting point for a discussion of why people are still embarrassed about buying condoms.

At this point I have to hold my hands up that my partner and I have used condoms for many years now. I’ve tried pretty much everything else over the years – the pill, the mini-pill, contraceptive injections, contraceptive implants…but all have disagreed with me in one way or another (intermittent bleeding, mood swings, numbness, pain, you name it), so we’ve always come back to “French letters”, and I have to say, I’ve kind of got fond of the little buggers over the years.

The humble condom gets a bad press, so I think it’s time I did a little bit of marketing in its favour. You see, apart from the obvious no side effects thing (assuming you don’t have a latex allergy), there are many other advantages to the humble Johnny over other methods of contraception:

1) The big one – no STDs. Probably not so much of a consideration if you are in a long-term relationship and you are sure of each others’ clean bill of health, but certainly a big pro nonetheless.

2) The reassurance that you know it’s working. I’m a sceptical kinda gal that likes to be sure – and who’s to say you took your pill on time? A condom gives you the extra reassurance that something is stopping the whole baby-making thing.

3) No wet patch. Yes, yes, I know – filthy, dirty sex is fabulous. All that squelching and bodily fluids…cum everywhere…mmmmm….but sometimes, just sometimes, it’s nice not to have to cup your hands under yourself and rush to the toilet to clean yourself up while hoping you don’t spill drops all over the carpet on the way. Or point your bum in the air to make sure it doesn’t dribble all over the sheets. (Waterproof mattress protector. Just saying.) Or rush off to the shower to get it off your cleavage. Think of the water you’re saving!

4) Easy to get hold of. If you’re really that embarrassed about sticking them in your basket with the bread and milk, just do your shopping online! You don’t even have to brave the embarrassment of paying for them at the checkout. Sorted.

5) Condoms are fun! Ribbing, flavours, different sizes – even glow in the dark ones. Have a giggle putting them on together (am I selling this to you yet?).

5a) They can in some instances enhance female pleasure – add a bit of ribbing for extra friction, and don’t forget that they can make some guys last longer…

6) They double up as handy balloons or water bombs.

So there you have it, my top reasons for condom lovin’. Now go slip one on and do the dirty. Cleanly.